Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
