Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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