we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
