The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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