Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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