Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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