He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
