Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
