your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
