I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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