he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
