i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
