for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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