Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
