That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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