I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
