apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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