That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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