It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
