he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
