I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
