So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
