Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
