I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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