When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
