I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
