I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy shit dude........stairs
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