Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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