I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
