Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
