you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
