every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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