you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
