I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
