You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
