Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
