I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
