Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
