Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
