awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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