i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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