im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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