Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
