I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
