Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
