Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
