i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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