i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize