So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
