i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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