you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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