Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
