i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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