and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
