You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
