Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize