I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
