So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
