I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
