is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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