Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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