our cab driver is having phone sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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