sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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