u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
