yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
