The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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