Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
